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husband grossed out by breast reduction surgery

husband grossed out by breast reduction surgery

Postby stormijones » Mon Apr 20, 2009 6:54 pm

Was an E, now a C and loving it! I'm only two weeks out and I'm so happy. My husband is upset with my decision to be smaller and seems grossed out by my surgery. I'm sad, but not sure if I even care really. I know I will never regret my decision. I feel so much better already. Not sure if hubby will come around, and not sure if I care. Anyone else out there where boyfriend/husband seemed grossed out/turned off?
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Postby MeghanC » Mon Apr 20, 2009 8:26 pm

The guy I've been seeing for the last few years did not want me to have the surgery, loved them the way they were, etc, but never said don't do it, just said I was crazy to do it. Anyway, he didn't want to see them after the surgery and I let it go until he was ready, just kept covered up with bras, and he finally said to take it off. I just let him be ready for it and I had let him know here and there how the healing was going. I think because he never saw them in the worst stages when I was healing, it was easier for him to see them as sexy in the new form. Not everyone is good with scars, and while we are all distracted by our new, lighter, perkier ones, someone else might just be focusing on the scars, and looking back on early pics I am now glad he waited because they do look so much nicer once the scars settle down, the bruises go away, and they drop and fluff, and I did make a point of getting sexy nighties and tanks to emphasize they looked sexy until he wanted the full reveal.

Anyway I know it is hard not to have someone supporting you and saying the right things and such, but... let them heal, come here for support and let him come around in his own time. There is a good chance that seeing them now is a bit gross for him, but that doesn't mean he will always feel that way, and you can't force him to feel differently, it will just happen in time. I would just let it be for now.
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Postby cph1969 » Tue Apr 21, 2009 10:32 am

Hi Stormi,

I may regret wading in here but maybe some male perspective might help. Your husbands reaction sounds very similar to mine when I first found out about Sandy's plans. The insuing fight almost ended with us walking out on each other. The main reason was we both had the I don't care what the other thinks attitude. The fact is if you didn't care it wouldn't bother you what he thought. We learned a lot about each other over the past few months becuase of this surgery and you have that chance too. The real trick is to sit down and talk with him, not fight which is what sounds like is going on. In my case I told Sandy a few nights before surgery I really couldn't tell what my reaction would be but I did know that I'd be afraid of touching her for fear of hurting her. That may be part of the problem here. If he's afraid of touching you in the wrong place and pulling stiches you may interpret that as being grossed out. He may just need time to adjust too. Like Meghan said, wait until he's ready to look since some people don't handle wounds to well. Hang in there though, we testosterone challenged types can come around. I'm proof of that.


Take care,

Chris
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Postby gen031206 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 4:10 am

I'm glad to see this post and the responses from Meghan and Chris - very good advice you two!! imo.

At this point, I cannot relate to the issue of SO being grossed out / turned off because so far my husband has been totally supportive, and I'm not having surgery until Friday.

However, I do have some concerns that this might change, and he'll be less attracted to me after my surgery...etc...I guess that we won't find out until we get there, and I will definitely keep this in mind if it does happen.

Thanks again, great post!!!

Sending positive healing thoughts your way!
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Postby bapps » Wed Apr 22, 2009 5:31 am

gen031206 wrote:However, I do have some concerns that this might change, and he'll be less attracted to me after my surgery...etc...I guess that we won't find out until we get there, and I will definitely keep this in mind if it does happen.


i'm TOTALLY having the same concerns! my hubby is being supportive too but i showed him some post surgery pics on here and he was holding back his real comments for sure - i saw the look on his face :( i hope helping me through the recovery doesn't make him unattracted to me - but at the same time - he said "for better or worse, sickness or health" - and now i'm calling in that favour! :D if he can't help me through this then how is he going to deal with us getting old? and immobile? and unable to change our own diapers? :D i think this is a good growing excersize for us as a couple :)

and besides - he also said "til death" so.... :D tough patootie hubbs! there's only one way away from me! :lol:

stormi - i'm really sorry you've reached the point where you don't even care if he comes around - were you having problems before the surgery? or do you think this is just an adjustment period from the surgery? so you think you "really" don't care - or maybe your feelings/ego is hurt? i know mine would be!

chris - it really is nice to see your opinions on this because i remember reading your posts when you first joined here and to see how supportive you've become is fantastic... i know i've told my husband about you - i would be surprised if i'm the only one!

stormi - i really hope your husband comes around like chris did... maybe have him read through some of the posts/questions chris had posted? to know that he's not the only husband that was not thrilled with the idea of a breast reduction?
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Postby shrinkingtwins » Wed Apr 22, 2009 5:58 am

Sorry your going throught this.

Hubby was very supportive, and helped lots, and was great about helping with all myafter care and wound care. I have to say it's brought us closer. I have a greater sence of slef confidence. HOpe your's comes around.
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Postby cph1969 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 6:24 am

Hi Ladies,

Right after that rather unnerving first look under the bandages Sandy said something that you should pass on to your husbands. That was " you're passing judgement on an unfinnished product". She was absolutely correct. I'm sure most men have the idea that results of BR are kind of like implants where the outcome is pretty apparent right after surgery. Not so. Like they say it's going to take a good six months to see the final results and the first couple weeks are going to be the worst as far as looks are concerned. Right now things are changing almost daily with the anchor incisions actually looking a little worse but that's to be expected. I think it's from everything starting to soften up which is making the puckering along incision line more pronounced. I know this will start to smooth out in a few months but if someone doesn't know that I can see how it could throw them for a loop. In the absolute worst case a scar revision can fix any problems. Just a little "preperation" with your husbands on what to expect and what kind of time frame could help ease their concerns and avoid problems. At a little over three weeks out I'm still being somewhat standoffish with Sandy because I know she has some tender spots I don't want to aggravate which if we hadn't discussed things before surgery she might think I was grossed out and avoiding her.She knows I'm just trying not to squish things that shouldn't be for now.


Take care,

Chris
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Postby ootpik31 » Wed Apr 22, 2009 8:12 am

My hubby has been great throughout and very supportive of my decision for which I am very grateful. I know it has been hard for him to change my bandages because he is scared to hurt me in anyway. He had said at one point are you sure you only need extra strength tylenol for that and I said yes I am fine and he said but you have like 30 inches of cuts across your chest. That is when I realized how hard it must be for him to see it and he can only try to imagine how painful it is and my reassurances that it isn't bad at all seem to him like I am crazy. Give him time and I am sure it will get better.
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Postby Halls » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:15 pm

My hubby was grossed as well but got over it. Just give it time and it will get better.
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Postby ishlkabbibles » Fri Apr 24, 2009 1:54 pm

Sorry to hear this - although it doesn't sound like you're too concerned :). That's good it was for YOU and that's all that matters. I have gone through the same thing with an Ex, and thank god that's over (but you guys are married! he should understand!). My current boyfriend loves them and is so supportive. I'm sure your husband will come around and appreciate your breasts eventually. Good luck with everything :/
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Postby bapps » Sat Apr 25, 2009 5:59 am

so how's it going stormi? has he come around at all? today is the first day my hubby is going to see them - i'm nervous! :D
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Postby goSmallOrGoHome » Sun Apr 26, 2009 10:27 am

hmmm...husbands/boyfriends/sisters/all seem to come in all shapes and sizes themselves, and some are full of .....

here are most of us....a story in pain: twelve, thirteen, fourteen, developing too much, up top, too soon, a joke to others, an attraction to pedophiles, hurting inside and all alone-little girls still. later, easy target of our flat chested sisters, tho most in simple jest, not understanding the pain that lies beneath. physical pain and limitations we bear, usually uncomplainingly, even jokingly, while other friends enjoy swimming in actual swimsuits while we swim in a T-shirt, due to our embarassment. we buy the fucking huge bras, and never see our breasts as a part of our sexuality, just more of our circus freak bodies. black, brown and navy tops dominate our wardrobes forevermore in our continuing efforts to downplay that feature we hate. so, a full fledged woman who decides to change this aspect of her life? powerful and threatening to any but a strong and loving man. NO ONE but us, understands what pain and horror these breasts have wrought in our lives...NO ONE. from this sister, who has just gone (last monday) from something like a 36 F or G to something like a 34 C last monday, i say ****** 'EM if they cannot lovingly say, i am there for you, cuz sister, WE ARE THERE FOR YOU!
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Postby bapps » Sun Apr 26, 2009 12:26 pm

goSmallOrGoHome wrote: i say ****** 'EM if they cannot lovingly say, i am there for you, cuz sister, WE ARE THERE FOR YOU!


amen!!!!

i was sooooo nervous and my hubby was so taken back when i finally told him how worried i was that he was going to be disgusted.

he said "honestly, i don't want to see them, but not because you're hideous - but because i really just can't take the sight of blood and i'm going to want to hug you when i see you like that and i might hurt you."

so we talked about it...and he really is scared of hurting me - and in his defence - he really is fucking clumsy so it's actually a real fear :lol:

so i was building up all this anger/resentment over a situation that didn't even exist!

i hope it turns out the same for you ladies - but if it doesn't, please know that we will certainly be here to support you with whatever decision you end up coming to.

and i'm a vindictive bitch - so if you need back up while you're burning his clothes - just let me know :D
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Postby Baroness » Sun Apr 26, 2009 2:14 pm

Bapps! OMG I just about spit my tea all over my keyboard! You are hilarious!!!!!!!

the the orginal poster--Here's my situation...

Hubby has requested that he no see them until they are looking a little less frankensteinish. He just thinks that no good will come of seeing them in this stage--he compared to things he wish he hadn't ever seen on the internetz and now he can't get the visions out of his head.

I have been with hubby since 15 so, I kinda get why. He's really used to seeing me a certain way and the idea of scars/bleeding/mishaped really freak him out. Its not that he's worried about it never looking better, its just he can't shake the the vision of the unfinished product.

He hasn't seen me nakey yet and I guess it will be quite awhile when he does. He doesnt mind seeing me in the bra so we are not going out of our way to be apart during this time.

I don't really care either way...I don't want him to be uncomfortable around me during my healing process so its okay.

__side note___

Bapps--when I had back surgery, the dr's gave hubby the staple remover kit and told him that he could do it. So when it came time, I was lying down on the floor and hubby straddled me with the little tool to remove the staples. I was so nervous but I trusted him and then he did the first staple and I SCREAMED so loud. Apprently, my GENIUS! husband had used the tool upside down and STAPLED me further. OMG! I was so pissed he look so funny. I grabbed the tool and flipped it over and yelled at him to ask directions if he didn't know!

We joke about it now but I wouldn't let him near me if I had staples in again.
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Stormi, 3wks out

Postby stormijones » Mon Apr 27, 2009 5:57 am

Thanks for all the replies. No, but no one can relate but us. My large breasts made me feel freakish, I felt disfigured. Still one of the best decisions of my life. I'm not even healed and feel so much better. I did it for me. I think my husband may come around, his reaction just kind of blind sided me a bit. I was so immediately happy with everything, I assumed he would be too, silly me, maybe it was the pain killers post surgery!
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