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Issues

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Issues

Postby Danman1 » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:05 am

Well, since this is a PS site I'd figure someone could relate to me.

Anyway, I percieve myself as very, very ugly, and b/c of that I have extreme mental issues with depression/anxiety. Has anyone here overcome these types of issues?
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Postby faun » Wed Jan 28, 2009 8:18 am

yes, when i was younger i had problems with self esteem and believe myself to be "not pretty enough, smart enough or good enough." Actually i thought myself quite ugly and stupid.
I don't think PS helps with your perception of yourself, a good therapist to deal with your depression/anxiety would probably be a better way to spend your money.
sincerely
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Postby Elaine » Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:56 am

Faun is right. PS will not help your self esteem. In fact, post op depression form PS can make things worse.

A therapist is a good route to take, but also, there are SO many good self help books out there. I would start there, in fact I did start there. I always thought I wasn't good looking either. Even though I was a model, had bit parts in movies and TV, I still thought it was only because I was good with make-up and hair.

True beauty comes from within. Finding the path that works for you to discover your own light, and then fan the flames so it shines brightly is the first step to true beauty.

When you project a comfortable loving attitude, you are beautiful to all those around you. If you don't know where to start, Terry Cole-Whitaker is a great author of such books. It's spiritual but not religious. Find your true self first, learn to love yourself for who you are. Then should you choose to have PS you will simply be matching the outside to the goodness of your inner self.

Keep us posted, there is a lot of support on this site and a group of just fabulous folks. All of us have our "problems" and we are all here to help each other through them. Aloha
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Postby Danman1 » Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:19 am

Elaine wrote:Faun is right. PS will not help your self esteem. In fact, post op depression form PS can make things worse.

A therapist is a good route to take, but also, there are SO many good self help books out there. I would start there, in fact I did start there. I always thought I wasn't good looking either. Even though I was a model, had bit parts in movies and TV, I still thought it was only because I was good with make-up and hair.

True beauty comes from within. Finding the path that works for you to discover your own light, and then fan the flames so it shines brightly is the first step to true beauty.

When you project a comfortable loving attitude, you are beautiful to all those around you. If you don't know where to start, Terry Cole-Whitaker is a great author of such books. It's spiritual but not religious. Find your true self first, learn to love yourself for who you are. Then should you choose to have PS you will simply be matching the outside to the goodness of your inner self.

Keep us posted, there is a lot of support on this site and a group of just fabulous folks. All of us have our "problems" and we are all here to help each other through them. Aloha


Well, first off, I appreciate the advice. But, unfortunately, most of the world doesn't care about "inner beauty."

I mean, both my parents said I should be a model. I just kinda laughed at that prospect really. Its just, I feel so repulsive its not even funny. I just wondered if anyone can get over something like that.
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Postby faun » Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:28 pm

Hello again,
you are projecting your beliefs onto "others" how do you know "most of the world doesn't care about inner beauty?"
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Postby Elaine » Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:02 pm

Okay~ let me put it this way.
Yes, people do get through feeling the way you do. How?

First you have to be willing to change the way you look at the world including yourself.

Then you need to have an open mind and an open heart to actually manifest the change.

In the interium, seeking help from a professional who can prescribe medications that put your brain waves back in harmony with one another is also a critical step in finding balance, happiness, self-esteem...whatever it is that you seek to be and feel.

So really I guess the answer is;
Yes, but you have to step up to the plate and go get help. I mean this in the kindess, most helpful of ways. Aloha
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Postby Danman1 » Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:04 pm

Elaine wrote:Okay~ let me put it this way.
Yes, people do get through feeling the way you do. How?

First you have to be willing to change the way you look at the world including yourself.

Then you need to have an open mind and an open heart to actually manifest the change.

In the interium, seeking help from a professional who can prescribe medications that put your brain waves back in harmony with one another is also a critical step in finding balance, happiness, self-esteem...whatever it is that you seek to be and feel.

So really I guess the answer is;
Yes, but you have to step up to the plate and go get help. I mean this in the kindess, most helpful of ways. Aloha


Yeah, even before I posted this I was planning on making an appointment with a therapist soon. Then he can determine if maybe I have BDD or something, or if it is something else.
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Postby Barbiewannabee » Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:07 pm

I agree with what what the other women have said.

You must change your mind set. I was always considered attractive, I was thin, a decent body, then I gained a ton of weight, and I mean, a lot.

For the longest time, it bothered me, I won't lie, sometimes it still does. BUT!!~! At the same time, I am happier now than I ever have been.

I'm using weight as an example, I KNOW, losing weight won't change my life, health maybe but my life.....Nope......

The world doesn't see it "This way" I'm paraphrasing you. I have more people approaching me now, then I did when I was younger and better looking, it's because I am happier with myself, it DOES come from within.

We have to accept who we are at this time.....NOTHING will happen over night. I think my eyes are too small for me, but they're bright, and I have decent skin.....How come so many of us only see the bad, not the good.......We will wallow in the negatives, but the positives, it's like they don't count.

It truly boils down to how you feel inside. Another exampled, so the world......Who cares. I have worked with men, that are over-weight, balding, at first I thought.....just.....I thought nothing really, then I got to KNOW them, and they became much more attractive to me.

It takes more than good looks to keep a friendship, lover.....It someone doesn't take the time to know you, including yourself......

Start with inner.....Self esteem, seeing the good.

Help, I'm talking and can't shut up;-)
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Postby Danman1 » Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:02 pm

Barbiewannabee wrote:I agree with what what the other women have said.

You must change your mind set. I was always considered attractive, I was thin, a decent body, then I gained a ton of weight, and I mean, a lot.

For the longest time, it bothered me, I won't lie, sometimes it still does. BUT!!~! At the same time, I am happier now than I ever have been.

I'm using weight as an example, I KNOW, losing weight won't change my life, health maybe but my life.....Nope......

The world doesn't see it "This way" I'm paraphrasing you. I have more people approaching me now, then I did when I was younger and better looking, it's because I am happier with myself, it DOES come from within.

We have to accept who we are at this time.....NOTHING will happen over night. I think my eyes are too small for me, but they're bright, and I have decent skin.....How come so many of us only see the bad, not the good.......We will wallow in the negatives, but the positives, it's like they don't count.

It truly boils down to how you feel inside. Another exampled, so the world......Who cares. I have worked with men, that are over-weight, balding, at first I thought.....just.....I thought nothing really, then I got to KNOW them, and they became much more attractive to me.

It takes more than good looks to keep a friendship, lover.....It someone doesn't take the time to know you, including yourself......

Start with inner.....Self esteem, seeing the good.

Help, I'm talking and can't shut up;-)


I agree, everyone needs self-esteem in order to thrive. But, as far as relationships go, if you want somoene desirable, you have to be good looking to start with.
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Postby Elaine » Fri Jan 30, 2009 10:44 am

Hi Danman, I disagree.

I have a number of friends whose husband/wife/partner are quite physically unattractive. While my friends are very attractive. Those "unattractive" partners see themselves and the rest of the world as good, positive people. They project a beautiful attitude and that makes you want to be around them. That is the attraction for a beautiful looking person to hook up with a not so good looking person.

I do hope you get help, it isn't anything to be ashamed of, some of us have our "wiring" go haywire and need to put it back in balance. This takes medication and perhaps some coaching from a qualified professional. You can then cross that hump and begin to see yourself as someone of value.

Let's face it, if you think you are crap, how do you expect anyone else to see you otherwise? I know it is hard to see at the moment, but truly in the long run, it's what you project that either draws people to you or turns them off.

Best to you.......aloha
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Postby Danman1 » Fri Jan 30, 2009 6:44 pm

Elaine wrote:Hi Danman, I disagree.

I have a number of friends whose husband/wife/partner are quite physically unattractive. While my friends are very attractive. Those "unattractive" partners see themselves and the rest of the world as good, positive people. They project a beautiful attitude and that makes you want to be around them. That is the attraction for a beautiful looking person to hook up with a not so good looking person.

I do hope you get help, it isn't anything to be ashamed of, some of us have our "wiring" go haywire and need to put it back in balance. This takes medication and perhaps some coaching from a qualified professional. You can then cross that hump and begin to see yourself as someone of value.

Let's face it, if you think you are crap, how do you expect anyone else to see you otherwise? I know it is hard to see at the moment, but truly in the long run, it's what you project that either draws people to you or turns them off.

Best to you.......aloha


Elaine,

Yes, I am trying to improve my perception on things. Recently, I placed an order for mood-enhancing herbs. Don't know how much they'll help...and I have an upcoming appointment with a doc, so, we'll see where that goes.

Anyway, I made a thread a little while ago about whether or not I should get PS, (specifically a nose job). Most exclaimed surprise, but every time I go out in public I feel completely repugnant.

My (other) appointment with a therapist, will hopefully shed light on whether or not my concerns are valid.
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Postby Elaine » Fri Jan 30, 2009 7:49 pm

Good for you! I am happy you made appointments. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are doing. I know it's hard to feel the way you do, but how wonderful that you even recognize that part of yourself! That is a huge step in the right direction on its own. Congratulations!

When I was younger I read a book on having a postive attitude. The title escapes me, but basically what I learned from that book was to reword every sentence I said that contained the words no, not and never. So for example if I had said "You'll never get me to bungie jump", I would stop and say out loud, let me rephrase that. Then I would say something like "it is not likely I will ever bungie jump". So you say the same thing but just teach yourself to avoid using those three words of no, not and never. You'll be amazed how much that can affect the way you see and react to things. A simple and powerful start.

I was SO suprized how quickly it became a habit to avoid those words. I think this is one the the coolest ways I learned to have a really positive outlook on life. It isn't that you can't express you don't want to do something or whatever, it's just that you teach yourself to present your statement or response in a positive way. It's really fun to see if you can achieve that goal.

At any rate, there are so many folks here who are so full of understanding and compassion. We are all here to help one another. Hang in there, be good to yourself and keep us posted! Aloha
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Postby Danman1 » Sun Feb 22, 2009 7:29 pm

Well, it's been awhile since I updated. I have about a month until my appointment (its on March 26th). I have some mild trepidation about this, one is talking to the receptionist that I will have to talk to when I register, don't want to be judged by that person, or anyone that happens to be standing there. But, I am determined to keep my appointment.

My primary concern is if therapy will actually help. I just hope the doctor will at least be honest with me about whether or not there is anything wrong with my outer appearance. I know people might think that is a petty thing, but for some reason it is important to me.
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Postby Elaine » Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:37 pm

Your feelings are quite understandable. However, in this day and age, I would imagine that everyone in the field of therapy now understands that a chemical imbalance is not anything a person has control over. It is a very real lack of some chemical in one's body that can create any number of feelings in a person who has that chemical imbalance.

Sometimes our self esteem takes a beating when that happens. I wouldn't worry about being judged. If it weren't for the patients in that office the receptionist wouldn't have a job would they? They have come a long way in this field and you should be very proud of yourself for taking the right step in the right direction. We all are our own worst critics. Some more so than others. Hang in there, you aren't alone. Do keep us posted, we all matter in life. Aloha
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Postby Danman1 » Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:48 pm

Well, I went to my appointment, we addressed the anxiety but not my underlying problem. I do have an appt with a med dispenser, who will probably put me on meds for my anx, and one at the end of the month with the psychologist again. I just don't know if any of this will work but I suppose i will stick with it for awhile.
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