sonali's blog on Make Me Heal

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I have a very bulbous nose but I never felt too self-conscious about it in person. I knew I was not "beautiful" in the conventional sense but it never bothered me because I was still well liked when I met people in person. I am talkative, bubbly, funny etc. so my nose never hindered me from meeting people or being out-going etc. Because of these qualities, I also never had much trouble getting bf's especially if we met in person and I think the guys usually liked how I made them laugh, also I have a good body and I think most people look at your overall personality and don't just focus on your nose. However with the recent trend of taking pictures all the time and putting them on facebook etc. I started becoming insecure about my nose because compared to all my friends, my nose seemed to be the main thing on my face in pictures. My nose is quite bulbous and if you took a picture a few meters away, you would only see a ball in front and no bridge at all. Also I recently broke up with my BF and that totally shattered me. I was convinced it was because I looked ugly in pictures because of my nose. He is a surgeon and he once told me how his brother's wife looked like a bollywood actress. I am east Indian BTW. So I decided to do something about my nose and got this rhinoplasty done. However now I have mixed feelings about this. I am about 2 weeks post-op. I think my nose looks better in pictures now and it is less bulbous now, although it is still nowhere near the small, pointy nose which is "conventionally" considered beautiful. I would say it’s a conservative change, in that my nose now doesn't look too bulbous in pictures and if you took a picture from a few meters away, my bridge is visible now.

However, I now have a slight hypertrophic scar near my left nostril. I don’t know if it is because of the surgeon’s mistake or because that is just how the way my skin healed. I have very thick skin BTW. Also my incision lines are still visible, though I can cover it up about 80% with makeup and I hope as time goes by, they will heal completely and not be visible at all. I have read here that they do heal completely. I guess I did this operation because I wanted to look more “pretty” according to conventional standards. But right now to say the truth, I don’t feel confident at all. I am always worrying whether people are looking at the scar near my left nostril or if they are looking at my incision lines. I know its crazy because most people don’t keep gazing at your nose, they look at your overall personality. Also I am looking in the mirror constantly to see if I am healing properly, if there is uneven swelling etc. Also I am dreading the thought of dating again. If my date notices the scar on my left nostril, I would feel very ashamed to tell him that it is because of rhinoplasty. He would probably wonder how bad my nose was before the rhinoplasty because it’s not as if I have a beautiful nose even now. I would probably just tell him that I had a septoplasty.

Some days when I look in the mirror, I feel very sad that I had to mutilate myself and change what God gave me in order to look "pretty" according to "society's standards". I have my father's nose and I love my dad (My dad totally supported my surgery BTW), and I loved myself no matter what my nose looked like. I also blame it on the picture taking culture we have nowadays. All socialization seems to be happening on social networking websites instead of meeting people in person and getting to know them. Even dating now happens on websites and if you don’t look good in the picture, the guy will probably not even contact you and go to the next stage of meeting etc. In the Indian community, most people still get married in the arranged way where first pictures are exchanged and then people meet etc. So if you don’t look good in the picture, you will most likely not proceed to the next stage. Over the years I have seen many of my Indian girlfriends get married in the arranged way because they looked good in the pictures because of a nice nose. And many guys rejected me after seeing my picture though I am sure they would have picked me if they had met me in person. After this surgery, I look much better in the pictures but right now my confidence level in person is below what it used to be. I am hoping my confidence level will come back after a few months and my incision lines heal. The slight hypertrophic scar near my left nostril is skin colored and it is not really visible unless someone really decides to concentrate under my left nostril. And I am hoping to do some dermabrasion or something in the future to improve it and if possible to remove it completely.


Anyway this is just how I feel about my rhinoplasty 2 weeks post op. I hope I continue to feel better as time goes by. Let’s share our experiences and help others who may be considering this procedure...
BTW here are my pre-op pics. You can see in the pic at Madam Tussads, which is taken from a distance, only a ball of my nose is visible and no bridge at all. Now my bridge is visible if a picture is taken from a distance. I will post some of my post op pictures soon when my incision marks heal more.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/38898135@N05/?saved=1

Also although I would have liked a more defined, smaller, pointy nose (who wouldn't, after all you are still going through the pains of surgery) but I am glad my surgeon was conservative...atleast I don't have breathing problems right now...